I have an odd talent I'm not sure you're aware of. For some reason, wherever I go, weird things find me. Here's an example. I stopped at a red light while making my way home one day and happened to glance over at a guy standing on the corner. He was looking right at me, and we totally made eye contact. Not noteworthy at all, except that he had HALF A MUSTACHE. He had like, a straight-up Reno 911 'stache, except he had shaved off the right half of …
We're the family they warned you about.