I made it forty years.

You know, just the other night, I was mentioning to a friend that I’ve never been stung by a bee or a wasp. Because I reached adulthood without ever hitting that milestone, I have spent my life assuming that I was deathly allergic to bees and wasps, and I freaked the hell out whenever I was around them. I had the biggest wasp phobia EVER – in fact, I nearly worked myself into a full panic attack a few years ago trying to get one out of my house. Getting rid of it was about an eight-step process, and by the time the poor thing died, it must’ve thought it was the victim of a wasp serial killer. This all happened while my husband was out of town, of course, and the way I carried on, you’d think I saved the children from a bear attack.

My wasp phobia mellowed out a little but didn’t really go away until a year or two ago. I was at my mom’s house, and she was working in her amazing flower garden, with wasps and bees all around her. Not freaking out in the least. When I complimented her ability to keep her cool, she brushed it off completely. “They never bother me,” she said, “because I give them fresh water. That’s all they want. They’re thirsty.” I don’t know if that’s true or not, but she does have a couple of bird baths in her flower garden that she fills with fresh water whenever she’s out there, and the wasps actually do leave her alone.

Obviously there is great power in the words of your mother, even when you’re a grown-ass woman, because I generally don’t freak out over wasps at all anymore. And wouldn’t you know it? Now that I’m not peeing my pants whenever I see one, I get stung. Yep. Two days after telling my friend that I’ve never been stung, I had one land on me the other day when I walked outside. I didn’t see it, and when I lowered my arm, it stung me. I SHOULD do the grownup thing and tell you I spent years worrying about it and it wasn’t that bad. The truth is, it hurt like hell! The initial pain was like a shot. Then for the rest of the day, it burned and throbbed and ached, and I almost cried.

I guarantee you, the next time my children get stung, I will be WAY more sympathetic. Also, I found out that a paste of baking soda and water really does help. Any more natural remedies you know of? Or any suggestions for getting RID of these pesky mofos?